Who is watching You?

This morning I witnessed the most heart-warming scene.  My two-year-old son, Clay, took my hand and led me to his room.  He proudly showed me how he had laid a little blue teddy bear into his bed and surrounded his friend with the blankets.  Placing his finger to his lips with a “shhh”, we quietly walked out of the bedroom and shut the door.  Together we proceeded down the stairs.  Just moments later, as I nestled in to feed his baby brother, Clay climbed the stairs mimicking a crying sound and came downstairs with teddy in his arms.  “It’s o-tay baby, it’s o-tay” he said giving the teddy a kiss, hug and a cuddle.  What I was watching seemed so amazing.  Of course, I recognized my own mannerisms in this behaviour.  But what made this typically rough-and-tumble, tractor-playing little boy transform into this gentle little being?  I can only hope and pray that he feels loved and protected and secure when he is the centre of my attention, and that he decided to try to share that with his friend, Teddy. 

Most parents can probably relate to my story and have a similar one of their own.  Kids often mimic their parents – sometimes the good stuff and sometimes our less desirable traits.  My experience with Clay led me to reflect on the fact that imitation often occurs when and by whom we least expect.  Our children are naturally going to inherit certain qualities and values by virtue of the environment we raise them in, but who else is watching?  

Perhaps because of a close relationship, your occupation, a public role you play, or maybe because of random circumstances that you are not fully aware of, someone out there is observing you.  It could be a student in a classroom, a co-worker, a peer, a fellow volunteer, a member of your church family or the clerk at your local grocery store.  From what they see, they will make a judgment about you.  The words you say, your facial expression, the language of your body and how you interact with others will lead the person who is watching to establish an impression, infer what is important to you and sometimes they will even evaluate themselves by making a comparison to what they see. 

Now for the hard question… are they seeing what you’d like them to?  With the exception of the occasional bad day, does your outward behaviour reflect your inner values and characteristics?  Do you live your life with integrity?  In other words, are you showing the same face in every circumstance?  Do you give the best of yourself to every person you meet, from the new CEO of your company to the attendant at the gas station?  On the outset, you might answer favourably to these questions.  In the interest of guiding you on a path towards authenticity, I challenge you to take a look in the mirror.  (Small children are excellent mirrors, but friends, partners or even people you work with closely will do.)  Look for the good and bad behaviour patterns that you know you have influenced or ask people in your lives what first impressions you made on them.  But, be ready for the response!!  

Personally, I know that I have a way to go on this path.  The same week that I witnessed Clay being this nurturing and loving soul, I saw something else.  While playing with some of his trucks and tractors, the wheels were not lining up properly forcing the toys to crash.  On the third attempt to back into his barn, Clay became frustrated and yelled loudly with a pointed finger – “bad boy, tractor!”  Yep, he got that temper from me too.  Whether you’re a kid or a professional coach, we are all a work-in-progress.

Imitation - The Greatest Form of Responsibility

Written by Jen Denys (Winter 2009)

Comments

[Michael Wickett]

Great post Jen...a real pleasure to read. I especially loved picturing Clay doing all those things :) Keep these great blog posts coming, I love to read them!